The Dream Police~

Can't Get it Outa My Head ...
It's now been quickly approaching 100 days -- Should be reason for celebration -- And it is. But why can't I stop DREAMING about smoking?

Last night was yet another one. And they are so real. Always very similar... I smoke and then feel guilty as well as disappointed that I broke my string of smoke free days. Feeling like now I have to start counting all over again.

Last night's dream had a twist most dreams do not but reality always does -- After I had smoked about three cigarettes I still had most of the pack left. Of course I was peeved at myself for having caved and disappointed I broke the chain but how was contemplating my dilemma:

Do I finish the pack because I have to start all over anyway?
Oooor -- Do I toss out my 17 or 18 un-smoked but no doubt delectable cigarettes and start the Smoke Free Day Count from that point right then and there?

Of course, the dreaming of enjoying a smoke is not limited to my sleep -- its a daytime event also. During the day, usually at work I can't help the thoughts such as; 'When is this meeting going to end so I can go outside and have a smoke?' -- And church every Sunday, usually during the Priest's Sermon, same thought; "End - Go Smoke".

There are a lot of other times too ... Anytime I am forced to wait somewhere. "When can I get to my car and go have a cig?"The Anxiety continues and those are other times when the desire is strong. It's like the butterflies in my stomach fly up to my chest cavity and float around there like their own personal playground.

For now, I keep walking and I keep not smoking. It is getting easier and when I do hit my 100 day mark it will be my second longest attempt at quitting in a 30 year run -- the last thing I want to do is give in to my dreams.