Monday, Monday ...

Would it be too redundant to start with “The first day of the rest of my life” again?

This is my first day back to work since my last cigarette... It’s incredible how the thoughts of having a smoke can consume most of my day. I’m not sure if I’m craving a smoke out of habit or if this is a typical “nicotine fit” … either way I feel anxiety and realize I’m obsessing.

One of the teachings of Alcoholic’s Anonymous is you need to take it one day at a time; and if that’s too much than you have to take it one hour at a time or one minute at a time.
I think I’m at the one hour at a time now.

I started at this office nearly a year and a half ago. At that time I was on one of my many “breaks” from smoking … I had quit just days before with the help of hypnotherapy. (I’ll go into that in further detail at another time.)
Since starting back I’ve been trying to hide my habit from everyone in the office. You know that has to be impossible – there’s absolutely no way no one’s ever been able to smell it on my clothes!

So, now here I am, lacking concentration on what I’m supposed to be doing and totally concentrated on what I’m not supposed to be doing!
And I feel alone … I can’t share this with others here since to them (at least in my mind,) I’m a non smoker anyway!

Have I used the word “Ridiculous” yet?
This is going to be my word for the week … the habit, the addiction, the rationalizations, the attempts at hiding it all … no other way to describe the whole affair – Just ridiculous!