~ Hypnotherapy ~

Note: This is a copy of an email I sent to my Hypnotist one month ago today ~

(Photo Note: Me at Mardi Gras!)

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, June 25, 2009 11:19 AM
Subject: Off the wagon and into the fire ...

Dear Sir, Greetings ~

I first saw you on March 7th, 2008 for 'Stop Smoking Hypnotherapy'.
I had many months of success. Unfortunately, I made the same mistake I always do ... While on vacation, in a club on Bourbon Street, NOLA I thought it would be okay to have a cigarette with my adult beverage.

It always seems to start out small and innocent enough. Unfortunately, for an addict like myself, just one on one day is never enough. From there it grows, from that one to a few and in a matter of a few weeks, back to a pack a day. It's a horrific demon I can't seem to escape. It's too the point of being just ridiculous. That's the best word I can come up with for this awful compulsion.

I thought for sure, with the tools I had from my Hypnotherapy session I could get it back under control on my own. I would try to limit my smoking habit for a few weeks, then months and then have the incentive to stop (once again, once and for all) during Lent.

In the evening of Fat Tuesday, along with another adult beverage and the last of a pack of smokes, I'd sit around, enjoy the two together then wake in the morning with no cigarettes in the house. Here's where it gets just ridiculous ... On the morning of Ash Wednesday I woke up and went about my usual business of just putzing around the house and then drove to the nearest C-Store and bought a pack. I wasn't even craving a cigarette! as I can remember -- I just didn't even try! RIDICULOUS!

I've spent a year attempting to hide my addiction from everyone. As you may suspect, as do I, there is no way people can't know I sneak cigarettes here and there as well as there and here. Fortunately, few ever mentioned it and I keep sneaking around like a mindless teenager feeling as if he's getting away with something. (I might as well be hiding a pack in my socks!)

One year ago I meet a lovely lady who seems to have found some sort of value in me ... I can't be sure why but I do know that she may not be open to being around someone who smokes all the time. When her and I first met I was struggling with the quitting and have now spent a year trying to keep it from here .... Really, how successful can this be. I would hate for my weakness in this area to ruin a lovely relationship.

This silly game of closet smoking includes time at my office. I am the only one in the office who smokes. I try to hide that fact from everyone -- but even I can smell it on my clothes at times. I want to be able to say to anyone who questions me: "I may have fell off the wagon at one time in the past but I have not even touched a cigarette in ... (what ever time is applicable)".

The employees at the gas station must think I'm ridiculous too ... They are used to me buying two packs of cigarettes, one of the good, more expensive ones I like and one of the cheapy, not so good tasting ones, so I can alternate the two and not spend quite so much money.

I'm also back to buying an inhaler on a regular basis. Ridiculous. This has been a thirty year struggle now ... I've quite several times but have never made it an entire year without falling victim to my own weakness. I do not want this to become a 31 year struggle and then soon a 35 year one ... assuming I can even make it that long. (I'm sure I've done irreversible damage to myself). I need to quit NOW!

Sir, -- HELP!

We spoke about a follow up session for those who continue to struggle.

My days next week are pretty open. Would you have the availability anytime then? It's taken me months to sit down and type out this email after thinking about it daily -- It's just ridiculous! I hope it doesn't take me months longer to get this addressed.

Sincerely and with Great Thanks,
FJW

Additional Note:
I've only edited this slightly -- feel free to copy or paraphrase any or all of this to send to your own Hypnotist...